So, my birthday experiment was a fail.  It’s been just about a month since my last post and considering I intended on posting a daily reflection…let’s just say it didn’t really work out.

I’m ok with failure.  I believe in embracing failure and really practice this belief; so it’s ok with me that the experiment didn’t work out as I hoped and planned.  It’s ok because I learned a lot from the process.   I’m big on “closure” so here’s a few things I’ve learned so we can all move on (I know this has been keeping the world up at night, wondering what’s going on with Amy that she hasn’t posted–for days, weeks?).

1)  Discipline is one thing.  Being realistic is another. For me right now, in this time of my life, I can’t do anything every single day.  I can barely get my teeth brushed daily!  It’s not realistic to commit to something like posting daily.  And framing it for myself as a way to be “disciplined” was unfair to myself.

2) The means to the end often becomes the end in itself.  Daily reflection was intended to give me time to…reflect.  Instead, the posts themselves distracted me from that purpose and very soon became the sole focus.  Not at all the point.

3) It’s impossible to force a creative process.

4) Accountability works better for me if it works from the inside out.  I’m very internally driven and this process reminded me that having external accountability measures don’t really work for me.   Therefore, using the daily blog posts as a way to hold myself accountable for a process that is very internal and personal (meditating/reflecting) did not make sense.  Instead, the system created a block, a barrier to the very thing it was set up to do.

5) Learn to call it.  I tend to hold on to things too long in the name of hopefulness, determination, discipline (I’m seeing a theme here) before admitting to myself that it’s time to let go.   I need to practice calling it; letting it go; and moving on.

And so, that’s exactly what I’m doing.  Farewell, birthday experiment.  We sucked.

Aaah, closure.

3 thoughts on “Closure

  1. Once again, I loved your self-commentary, Amy. Because I know your sweet mother so well from our childhoods in Bowling Green, KY, I can see her in so much of your writing. Also, your dad was my favorite English teacher at Western Kentucky University (1966-ish?). Smart parents . . . smart daughter! :~)

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